Thursday, April 4, 2013

Dear Ariyike (Episode 1)

Dear Ariyike,

I’m 39 years old, the first child of my parents and I still live with them. My mother rarely even talks to me because she sees me as a disgrace to the family because I’m still single. My two younger sisters are married with children and they have automatically become the pride and joy of my parents. I have a boyfriend I’ve been dating for 5 years and he has promised me marriage, he’s 30 years old meaning he’s 9 years younger than me and he’s so handsome and fresh. My friends and family feel he’s a gold digger because he drives my car up and about and he’s been jobless since we met 5 years ago. I pay his rent and give him a monthly allowance but I’m not complaining because I love him and I’m determined to keep him at all cost but in recent times, he’s been acting somehow. I keep hearing he has a girlfriend in London but he has assured me that I’m the only one in his life. Last week, he told me he would want me to get pregnant before he proposes to me. I’m so confused, I don’t know what to do.
Ariyike speaks:
First of all...The fact that you're still single doesn't mean you're going to be single forever. If you've been dating him for 5 years and he wants you to get pregnant before he marries you then you need to re-evaluate your relationship and see if he's really serious about you. A man that genuinely wants to marry you would not attach any conditions to him marrying you. Most times when you're in a relationship, your friends and family can actually see the things you don't see and you have to remember that they want the best for you. If they feel he's a gold digger, you need to sit down and think about your relationship and be truly honest with yourself. You don't have to give a man money to keep him, if he's been jobless since you met him and he's still jobless and not searching then he's obviously comfortable with the fact that you're his care taker and he's probably not going to look for a job unless you encourage him to get one. Also, if you keep hearing that he has a girlfriend in London then there's probably an element of truth in the story. It might be a lie but it may just be true. If he's acting somehow, sit him down and tell him how you feel, being with someone for 5 years is a long time and by now. you two should know where you're heading to in your relationship. Are you sure you're not with him because of his physical looks and the fear of being single?
At the end of the day, it’s your relationship and you’re still going to do what you want to do but please be wise and make sure you put your happiness first.
Please share your words of wisdom with Yosola, she'll be here to read them.



  1. Yosola move on, the guy is not going to marry you. I've been there before, we all know how this will end.

  2. The guy is just using you to meet his needs, my dear your happiness matters most. The guy doesn't love you at all.
    If you break up with him, a better person will come your way.

  3. It would be easier to rain insults on the guy for being such a 'user', but the truth is you need to get wise and move on. If after 5 years, all he can say is 'get pregnant before marriage' then that's a clear sign that his intentions for you are not noble. Its hard to let go after 5 years but in this case, you will have to get rid of him before he gets rid of you. Because, I can tell you for free, the day he wants to end the relationship with you, he will not stop for a second to remember how you supported him financially. God be with you dear.