Tuesday, November 17, 2015

He Loves Me? He Loves Me Not? by Adrian Udeh

Being sure if a man loves you enough for you to say YES or NO to his marriage proposal, isn't something to guess or play games about.  Last week, i was out with a friend of mine when she told me that her boyfriend had just proposed to her and she wasn't sure if to say YES or NO due to the fact that within their three years of dating, He has literally cheated four times. which now lives her with the big question (if he really loves her enough for her to say YES or NO). I asked my friend what then she intended doing about the proposal, and here was what she had to say. "I am so confused, i tried playing the common *he loves me? he loves me not?* game but it keeps telling me that he does. But deep down i know he doesn't , which then gets me more confused on how a person decides to marry a person he or she doesn't love". I laughed and then told her exactly what i am about to tell you. There are signs at which a guy will display that will get you to know if a guy really loves you or not. They are so many but because i wouldn't wanna bore you with so many, i would just discuss a few.
See if he can truly be himself around you. Part of being loved means
being completely open to the other person. If you find yourself seeing a whole different side that the person doesn't show the public, then that may be love. If the man you're with is pretty serious or polite in public, but when you're alone, he shows his goofy and silly side completely, then he's really opening up to you and loves you.
  • If the person shares his deepest emotions with you and is comfortable with it, then that's love.
  • If the person is comfortable not looking perfect, tripping, or having food stuck in his teeth around you, that means he's okay if you see every side of him.
    See if he talks about your future together like it's a given. If the person really loves you, then the idea of you being in his or her future is an absolute given, not something that he or she would ever have anxiety or uncertainty about. If the person routinely talks about what you're going to do in the future, about what your lives will look like one, two, or even ten years in the future together, then he's probably in love with you.
    • True commitment means seeing a forever with another person. If the person talks about the future and always includes you in it, then there's a good chance he truly loves you.
    • If the person talks about what your kids will look like, where you'll retire together, or where you'll go for your honeymoon, then he may really love you. 

    See if he says "I love you" and means it. Remember that there's a big difference between "Love ya!" and "I love you." If your special someone really loves you and tells you this much while looking into your eyes, sounding earnest, and not wanting anything from you, then it's likely that he really means it.
    • If the person undeniably loves you, then he'll say it for no reason at all, not just because he needs a favor or because it feels like the right thing to say.

    See if he truly values your opinion. If the person truly loves you, then he'll care about what you think -- whether it's about his new pair of shoes or the political situation in your country. If he really loves you, he'll ask for your advice and opinions, whether it's on big or small matters. He may feel self-conscious about asking for your opinion, but he'll do it because he loves you.
    • He doesn't have to ask for your opinion on everything -- only the things that really matter.

    See if he knows when to give you space. If the person truly loves you, then he'll not only want to be around you a lot, but he'll also know when to give you space and do your own thing. If the person wants to be around you all the time, then that's not love -- it's infatuation. As love matures, two people will realize that they still need to do things separate to maintain their own identities.
    • If the person wants to be around you every waking moment, then that may be more of a sign of that person's insecurities than true love.

    See if he truly understands you. True love is true understanding. Though it sounds lame, the person should really "get" you in order to love you. If the person actually understands your moods, knows what you want and what you don't want, and has an idea of what will make you happy before you may know it yourself, then that may be true love.
    • It's okay if part of you remains mysterious to the person -- you don't have to be understood 100%, but you do have to have the sense that the other person truly understands where you're coming from most of the time.

    See if he truly supports you. If he really loves you, then he'll not only be there for the fun times, but he'll be there to help you achieve your goals and move forward in your life. If he truly loves you, then he'll be there in the bleachers during your soccer game, he'll be there to see you defend your thesis, and he'll be there to give you a ride to your job interview. And he'll be there whenever you want to talk about something that means a lot to you.
    • If he really loves you, then he'll support you to achieve your goals or pursue your interests, even if they have nothing to do with him.
    See if he wants the best for you -- even if it isn't the best for him. If a person truly loves you, then he'll understand that there are some things that you have to do that may not be the best for him, or may mean that you'll be spending some time apart. If he truly loves you, then he'll understand that you have to spend a summer on a remote island to pursue your career in marine biology, or that you have to go home early to get enough sleep for a test instead of spending the night with him.
    • If the person only wants what's best for both of you at all times, then he's not really seeing you as a unique individual with your own needs and desires.

     Written by Adrian. You can follow me on Instagram on @adrian_udeh


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